The women's movement has come a long way, and that's a good thing. I am glad that as a woman living in the Western world in the early 21st century, I have the freedom to get an education and have a career (any career I want, as long as I put in the necessary work). I'm glad my main objective in life is no longer seen as by society to get married and have children. (Not that there is anything wrong with getting married and having children, but I'm definitely glad that's not my only option) I'm glad that if I do decide to get married, I won't be considered my husband's "property." And I'm glad I can do pretty much anything that men can do without anyone thinking there's anything wrong with it.
Which, ironically, brings me to one of the major problems in the gender equality arena today: If a woman wants to do something that is considered traditionally masculine, people often applaud that these days, but if a man wants to do something that is considered traditionally feminine, people ask what's wrong with him. If a woman wants to be a doctor, no problem. There are lots of female doctors these days. If a little girl is a tomboy, that's applauded. People think that's cool. She can play sports and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. Good for her! (Granted, I know tomboys have their issues too, but in today's society, it's usually seen as "cool" to be a tomboy, as long as you have a little bit of traditional feminitity somewhere.)
But it's another story for men who want to be homemakers. That's not considered "cool" yet. Or if a little boy wants to take ballet, he'll probably get laughed at.
Why is that? Why is it "cool" for women to cross gender lines but "wussy" for men to do the same thing?
It's highly unfair. Not only is it forcing males into an ideal of masculinity that not every male wishes to conform to, it's also demeaning to women. By applauding women who do things considered traditionally masculine and ridiculing men who do things that are considered traditionally feminine, our society is putting a higher value on "masculinity" than it is on "femininity". It's basically saying it's okay to be traditionally masculine but not to be traditionally feminine. We will not have true gender equality until both genders can cross the traditional lines and feel like it's socially acceptable.
And it's just as bad when society has a problem with people who stay within traditional gender roles. Housewives are not somehow ruining progress for women. They are making their choice just like women who choose not to be housewives. If a woman wants to be a homemaker and that's what she likes, that's her choice. She just shouldn't be forced into that role simply because she is a woman, any more than a man who wants that role should be denied it simply because he is a man.
If I ever have children, I want my daughters to feel free to play sports if they want to, but also be feel free to dress in frilly pink dresses and have tea parties if they so desire. I want my sons to feel free to be "typical boys" if they want to, but I also hope that if they decide they want to take ballet, that our society will have reached a point where they won't be called sissies for that choice.
If people aren't hurting anyone, they should be allowed, both legally and by means of general social acceptability, to be who they are and do as they please, even if not many other people do what they do.
Comments (3)
Agreed. Sometimes I wonder whether the reason some guys resisted the feminist movement for so long was because they knew they'd come at a disadvantage when all became equal for women.
However, I also wonder whether this inequality for guys has something to do with the fact that guys in general take jokes easier. We women get offended more easily at jokes made on us. But when guys act out of their stereotype they're fair game.
An interesting take on the double standard I had not considered before. I was well aware of it (in fact, I take delight in making insecure guys cringe by doing feminine things sometimes), but I had not considered the implication of masculinity still being superior to femininity.
I suppose since the masculine role has historically been the more dominant, it seems "uncool" to take the historically more submissive role. I dunno, just throwing that out there.
In any case, great read, thanks for posting this.
<-is male, wears his hair in a french braid, and knows how to braid it himself. Take that masculinity.
Very thoughtful and well written blog. I have been supporting the equality movement for over forty years and have seen magnificant changes in people and parts of the world. Chauvinism is still deeply entrenched in the world and won't change anytime soon. The answer to me is that if I feel good about who I am what I do it doesn't make much difference what other people think. My lover and I (I have never thought of her as a wife which has connotations of possession) just celebrated our 50th anniversary of being free spirits living together. We're both nontraditional people in traditional roles and that has never undermined our spirit of self or how we live our lives. It is exciting to see young people finding themselves and living their journey. Many blessings to you as you carve your niche in the world and may you always hold your head high.